It’s so simple. You’d wish you had known this before.
Before I begin, I want to define the type of confidence I’m talking about. I am not talking about outward confidence (also known as social confidence), for instance, the confidence to give a presentation, to perform in front of people, or to approach any person.
I think this type of confidence is momentary and almost everyone possesses it. This is the kind of confidence that you can fake or improve upon in a short time.
The confidence I want to talk about is SELF-CONFIDENCE. The one that makes you feel secure in yourself. The one that is related to your self-esteem, self- worth and self-respect. The one that makes you feel grateful, content and happy with yourself.
This kind of confidence cannot be faked or taught. It comes from within. And in my opinion, many people lack this kind of confidence, including me. But I am blessed to have found the reason why that is so and I am going to share it with you.
But before that, let me tell you how I came across this second type of confidence. I like to think I’m a pretty confident person. I never hesitate in front of people. My friends and I always perform dares with random strangers on the streets and I was never hesitant while doing them.
Yet, in truth, I’m actually not very proud of myself. I’ve haven’t done or achieved anything worthwhile in life yet. The last thing I’m proud of is my 10th Grade marks which was more than half a decade ago. I’ve set myself some goals that I’ve failed to achieve.
And then I realized I felt really bad about myself. As if I was worth nothing. And I figured out why. That’s what I’m going to share with you.
It might hurt your feelings a little, to be honest, but bare with me.
The ONLY reason why you might lack self-confidence is that you’ve never achieved anything worthwhile in life.
Let’s put it this way.
When was the last time you said you were going to do something but you ended up not doing it? How did you feel? Proud? I don’t think so.
Every time you promise yourself that you’re gonna do something and you end up not doing it, you are chipping away at your self-confidence. Because the next time you decide you are going to do something, you’re gonna be unsure if you’re really gonna do it. This way, you’re creating a negative self-image of yourself in your own mind. And the cycle goes on and on until you feel like shit.
Similarly, your self-confidence increases when you actually do something that you said you were gonna do. And every time you do that, your self-confidence will increase.
Confidence is a game of snakes & ladders.
And that is why confidence is a progression, a series of steps. Every step you take will make you more self-confident.
Do you know why you feel inferior to others?
Because you never overcame enough challenges in your life to be able to say you’ve done or achieved something. You never struggled enough. So you feel inferior to others who seem to be doing so much more than you. You see what you think is missing in you and compare it with the accomplishments of others, which is just unfair.
In order to feel equal to others and content, you need to do something difficult. Achieve something difficult. Do something worthwhile.
No person who has accomplished something in his life will ever say that he feels inferior or underconfident because he knows that he has done something worthwhile in his life. Infact, a person who’s constantly on a hustle and making accomplishments doesn’t even concern himself with all this. He just is confident. And he knows it.
Similarly, you won’t find a single person who has done nothing in his life and still feels confident because he knows that he hasn’t achieved anything remarkable or at least overcome any challenge in his life. He’s got nothing to be proud of.
“Fake it till you make it” is stupid. Confidence cannot be pursued. It must ensue. One step at a time. Put your reality in alignment with your thoughts. DO what you plan on doing. Give yourself something to be proud of and confident about. You cannot be proud of your non-existing accomplishments.
No matter how small of a goal you accomplish, you will feel proud because you kept your word. You raise yourself in your own eyes with every accomplishment you make.
Every time you do something difficult, worthwhile or just something that matters, you will like yourself more. And that will increase your self-confidence. That something can be for yourself or for others. A single big thing or many little things.
Self-confidence comes from knowing that you are working your butt off towards your goal. It comes from knowing that your current state is not your final state. That you are in control and not a victim of your circumstances. That you will be better in the future. It’s a feeling of assurance in yourself; belief that you are capable of changing your life.
Just knowing the fact that you are doing something to change your situation will give you immense confidence.
Knowing that you are capable of making a change, that you have got what it takes but still not doing anything to actually make it happen, will seriously harm your confidence.
It’s better to take small steps towards a better life. Work on your confidence little by little.
Remember, self-confidence comes from within. No matter how confident you might seem on the outside to the rest of the world, if you do not have respect for yourself in your own mind, you will never be fully confident and happy with yourself.
Earn that respect and self-confidence by truly achieving something.
That’s all folks!